21/12/2011

Just talked to Steph and Erin has fallen even farther down the rabbit hole than I thought. Steph described an evening out that she had with some of the nuns and apparently Erin was cursing and telling stories of her drinking and sexual explorations with random guys all night long. I knew that she had gotten a little out of hand, but this is getting to the point of ridiculous.

My initial reaction is that I'm so glad I wasn't there to have to endure the evening for myself. Then I think, But I'll have to as soon as I get back. And I decide to weather through it the best I can by constantly changing the subject and zoning her out like usual. But then I think to myself, Gosh, what kind of friend are you? You see what she's doing and how she's screwing up her life. Are you really going to just sit by and let it happen?

So then I imagine myself confronting Erin and calling her out on everything, and see everything going to shit. I see her taking it as a personal attack and clamming up completely on me, refusing to let me be any kind of influence on her life at all. I mean, at least how things are now, she still considers me a very good friend and will listen to me. I really don't want to throw that away, especially since I know for a fact that I'm one of the few who happen to have that status. A lot of people have been turning their backs on her lately and and I don't want to put her in a corner by doing the same.

I think one of the things that's getting me to the most, is that I understand. I mean, isn't Australia serving the exact same purpose for me that college has been serving for Erin? Just because I don't flaunt my doings and have better opportunity to hide them since I'm halfway across the world doesn't mean that I'm any less guilty or in any more of a place to call Erin out for her behavior. I know what it's like to be the little good girl growing up in the shadow of her cooler, more popular sister. I know what it's like to want to shed the image as hard and as far as you can. And all the better if it's with people who never knew your sister or, more importantly, your former you.

So now I find myself in this little moral dilemna. I don't want to be the friend that just sat by and watched her friend throw her life away, but I would be pretty much the biggest hypocrite in the world if I were to call her out on it.